I'm happy because

I am happy because:

• I have air-conditioning!  And power!  I can’t say that for everyone I know right now.  I’m one of the lucky ones!!!
• All the extra running around I did today has made me super sleepy, and I think that, provided my apartment cool down a bit more, I should be able to fall asleep rather quickly tonight!
• My daughter is brushing my hair for me right now, and it feels amazing!  Very relaxing, she pampers me!

I am happy because:

• I have a job.
• My checks finally came in the mail today (so I can finally write one out to pay my tithing!  Boy has that been weighing on my mind!!!).
• Family Home Evening was a success tonight, I think the littles really learned a thing or two for once instead of it all zooming over their heads!  Yay!

I am happy because:

• The sister who taught in Relief Society today had a wonderful lesson.  The spirit was so strong in that room!  And I recieved a lot of inspiration and revelation for myself and for my little family, which, I am happy to say, I am already acting on.
• My home teachers came for a visit today, and it was the first time ever I felt totally and completely comfortable with them in my house.  I am always a little bit freaked out when they are here, I can’t explain why, it is no fault of their own.  What’s strange is that today my house was a bit of a wreck, the littles were being totally attention-getting-hoggaroonies, and the bigs were being their usual teenage selves.  But I was impressed with the easy manner of both of my home teachers, they were relaxed and open and sincere.  I didn’t feel judged, and just loved their visit completely!  The kids actually were sad to see them leave, which is a first also.  And we were blessed with a bit more inspiration/revelation before they left, that came during the prayer to our home teacher, and it wasn’t a big thing, but a small one, but it was an important thing for us, nonetheless.  Okay, that went all over the place, but still, I don’t wanna forget it.
• My sister has been going crazy uploading old pictures to her computer and tagging some of the ones I am in.  It’s been . . . . kinda fun, and very interesting, to see some of them.  I don’t have many pictures from my childhood, and so I’ve forgotten so much, but to see these pictures brings back fond memories for me.  I’m a little mortified to have some of those old hairdos on the internet, but it’s not so bad since my Facebook settings do not allow people to see tagged pictures of me, or whatever, so not too many people will have to scrub their eyeballs.  LoL

I am happy because:

• I learned a new way to do something today.
• I visited with my bestie for a nice long while.
• I got to eat at a really yummy mexican place, AND it was someone else’s treat, which was so generous and nice!
• I spent a couple of hours with my mom today.
• And I finally met my (step) sister, Anya.  AND she was totally awesome.
• And I got to take two nice showers today.
• And there was an empty spot under the carports when I got home from running around.
• And tomorrow is Sunday, and I can’t wait for services!

I am happy because:

• Nothing yanks your head out of her bottom faster than having a kid in crisis.  And while the kid in crisis thing isn’t a good thing, not at all, I’m grateful for the head yanking.  I needed it, because I think I was getting comfy with my statis.  Or maybe comfy isn’t the right word.  Maybe the better word(s) would be “too afraid to move”.
• I have discovered that I am the sort of person who needs some space, and some alone time, when I am confronted with the death of a loved one.  I had never realized this about myself, and didn’t know how to let people help me through some things until I realized it was the wrong way.  I know that doesn’t make sense to the readers of this blog, but it makes sense to me.  Next time, (please, not any time soon, Lord!), I will know better what to say when someone asks how they can help.  At least that one good thing came of the experience.  Right?
• I’m okay being flawed.  I wonder if others would be okay with me being flawed as well.  But as for myself.  I’m okay with it.  Because I know I do my best, and all one can do is the best they can with what they are given.  And for each person, that “best” is going to be different.

I am happy because:

• I found out.  It is no longer happening behind my back.  Now I know.  So now I can do something about it.
• I am being forced to act.  I should have acted sooner, but I dragged my feet.  Now I can’t drag my feet.  I have to act.
• You are only as sick as your secrets.

I am happy because:

• I had the privilege to know and be loved by my dear step-father, Ron Barngraff.  I am going to miss him so much.  But what a blessing he was in my life while I had him!  Men like him are few and far between.
• I have four children whom I love so very much, though at times I am at a loss to understand them.  We have come so very far, and have as yet so far to go, but we love each other, and for the most part we are doing pretty darn good.
• I am blessed with a mother who loves me, no matter what I may do in my life that she disagrees with.  She’s my biggest fan, my support, and my friend.  I love her so much, and I strive to make her proud of me someday.

I am happy because:

• I had a wonderful dinner tonight provided by two ladies from church who’s names escape me.  I feel terrible, I think I called one by the wrong name.  Either way, the food was really yummy, and there were very yummy brownies for dessert.  I feel spoiled.
• Tomorrow is Sunday.  I love Sunday, even if this one is going to be especially hard, being Father’s Day and all.  Plus my kids are going to be with their dad, so that makes it even harder.  But I know that I will get something good out of going, so I will.
• I have a fabric softener bar in my dryer, which I now use instead of the fabric softener sheets, and I really like it!  Half the time I forget to put the sheets in there, and the clothes are all stiff and scratchy.  Now I don’t have to worry about it, and they come out all super soft!  Plus, my dryer is working again, thanks to Julie P. and her hubby.  And my bedsheets are all fresh and soft, and I can’t wait to go to bed tonight and snuggle up in my soft sheets!

I am happy because:

• Today I took the littles to Ocean Blue, a little frozen yogurt shop here in town.  They really enjoyed themselves, and we have a new favorite place for cool treats.
• During our family prayer, Robbie asked that Heavenly Father and Jesus to please hug Grandpa Ron for us, because we all miss him.  And asked that Jesus help heal Gramma Jean’s broken heart and help her to know that Grandpa Ron is happier than ever right now because he can see all of his family and can get hugs from Heavenly Father and Jesus.  Robbie can be so very thoughtful sometimes, in ways that astound me.  He pulled all of that out of his own little heart.  It was a sweet prayer, it made me cry all over again.  And it made me grateful that my children have their faith to lean on when these things happen.
• A friend brought us a couple of Little Ceasar’s Pizza tonight.  It was nice to not have to cook dinner, and even nicer that there weren’t any dishes to be done afterwards because I used up the birthday plates that we bought for Dee’s party and didn’t use.  Plus, an added bonus is that we only ate one pizza, so there is a whole other pizza in our fridge for tomorrow’s lunch.  And leftover pizza is one of Robbie’s favorite foods.
• I’m sure that Amber and Becca are having a wonderful time at girls camp.  I’m a little nervous about telling them, I’m not sure how to break the news, and don’t want to take away from the “high” of girls camp that they are sure to have.  I have wonderfully resilient girls, however.  They have, unfortunately, been through a lot already in their short lives, and I know that they will probably take it better than most kids their age would.  I am happy they have been at girls camp so that I have a few days to process before having to deal with their reactions to the news, I will be better capable to handling their reactions if I have a better handle on myself.  I sorta wish I had one more day . . . but I’m also very happy that they will be home tomorrow afternoon.  I am more happy they are coming home than anything else, I think.  I’ve missed them.

I am happy because:

Despite today’s being an extremely sad and emotional day, there were a few good things that did happen.

• My ex-husband left work early and took the kids so that I could be with my mom.  It was Dee’s birthday today, and he did not let her birthday celebration get overshadowed by the grief I was feeling.  He entertained the littles all day long, and then since I was a total wreck, he took care of having her party at an alternate location.  He and his wife actually paid for Dee to have a party at Chuck E. Cheese, and Dee had a really good time.  It was nice to see him step up like that, it’s not something I see very often.
• I saw my brother for the first time in ages today.  And it was really, really nice to see him.  We used to be so very close, and have become estranged over the years, and I’ve really mourned the loss of that relationship.  He’s a good kid . . . or not a kid anymore I guess, but I’ll always think of him as my little brother, no matter how short I am compared to him!  My son, Robbie, looks so much like my brother.  I don’t think I’ve ever noticed that before today.
• Amber and Becca called from girls camp today to wish Dee a happy birthday!  I’m just thrilled that they remembered, even though they are up there having such a good time it would be easy to forget.  They remembered, and they called, too!  I have such wonderful children.  It might be a small thing, but it’s the small things that really add up to one great big thing.