I'm happy because

I am happy because:

• My home teachers swung by with fresh-baked rolls and dropped them off.  Mmm.  I am such a foodie!  I especially love fresh-made bakery goods!  Bread-n-butter, might not be the healthiest thing in the world, but it sure is super yummy!
• My mom’s birthday is in 25 days!  I love my mom, and I love that we can celebrate how blessed we are to have her in our lives!  I especially admire her gia-normous heart that never stops giving of itself.  I hope I can be as compassionate as my mother some day.  I’m so very grateful to have her.
• My cupboard is stuffed with edibles!  It was looking rather bare, and it was kinda scary to have next-to-nada to eat in the house, but we managed to make do with lotsa wheat and lotsa rice, some butter and some random spices for a couple days.  (Thank goodness for free lunches at the school!)  But now, we have so much food!  I think it does a body good to go without (or sparsely at least) for a day or two, because when you have an abundance you appreciate it all the more!  Even the kids got eyes as big as saucers when they saw all the things stuffing our cupboard and fridge!  Yay!

I am happy because:

• I woke up today in one of those really crummy moods that comes from not getting enough sleep, but I knew that I would have to turn it around.  So I took a few deep breaths, re-read yesterday’s “happy ‘cuz”, and said a prayer.  And made a concentrated effort all day long to maintain a better attitude.  And, lo and behold, it actually worked!  By the time I got home from work, I wasn’t just going through the motions anymore, I actually felt better!
• Today on the way home from work I used a gift card I had gotten for Deseret Book (one of my favorite stores, btw) to purchase two “pleasure reads” by Orson Scott Card, and my own copy of the YW personal progress book.   (Felt a bit foolish buying myself one of those, but oh well.)  I am so excited to read these books, and to work on personal progress with Amber!
• “Favour is decietful and beauty is vain, but a woman that reveres the Lord, she shall be praised.  Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.”  I love so much of what is written about a “virtuous woman” in Proverbs 31.  “What can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.”  So many parts of it are so uplifting!  Am I turning into a bit of a sap?  I don’t even care!  I am finding so much in the scriptures that lift me, and fills up all of those little empty places.  It’s soothing to my bruised little heart, to read them and to think about them.  I’m not a scripture scholar, by any means.  I don’t remember where my favorite passages are half the time.  But I love them all the same.  What a gift we have in the scriptures!  Can you imagine what it must have been like, before?  Even before the “common man” was allowed to have even the bible?  I am so grateful to have been born in such a time as this, where we have an abundance of scripture to bury ourselves in!

I am happy because:

• Sometimes when I pray I am overwhelmed with this beautiful feeling, a feeling I just can’t even describe fully.  There is this overwhelming sweetness that pretty much takes my breath away.  Literally, I can’t even speak, out loud, the words in my heart, because I am so overwhelmed.  And so I let my heart utter the words I can not form with my mouth, that I can not speak with my voice.  And I feel Him, I feel His presence there, like a child who sits on her Father’s knee.  I know He is there, and I know that He knows me.  I know He knows the desires of my heart, even when I can not find the words and phrases to express them.  He knows my heart.  He knows me.  And knowing this, I have comfort.  I don’t always know what I am to do in my life, what step to take next, where I am supposed to be.  But I do know that He will give me exactly what I need, when I need it.  I have seen it over and over again in my life.  I am so very thankful for that sweet hour of prayer, without it I would soon forget who I am.  But with it, He is always there to remind me.
• There is a reason the scriptures always say “And it came to pass”, and not “And it came to stay”.  One scripture I really like right now is in Doctrine and Covenants 121:7-8.  It says “My [daughter], peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;  And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.”   Not that I feel I have foes or anything.  But the idea of triumphing, not letting the world and all of it’s troubles beat me down.  That’s what I like best.  And it came to pass . . .
• What I want to remember most about today is my renewed desire to go to the temple.   I remember, once a few years back, when I was feeling overwhelmed by my life, when it seemed as if all around me was falling apart, and I didn’t know which way to turn.  I had such a feeling of unrest.  I got into my car and drove, with no destination before me, trying to clear my mind.  There was a storm brewing outside, fierce enough to match the one in my heart that day.  I drove and I drove, and I cried.  I spoke aloud, praying to my Heavenly Father, not knowing where to turn for peace.  I wasn’t thinking of where I was driving to, but somehow I ended up right in front of the temple.  I got out of the car and walked up to the steps, and the wind died down.  It was blowing the tree tops, and all of the bushes and things all around me.  But there, right in front of the doors, I was sheltered from the storm around me.  And I knew, though I had allowed myself to forget, that this is where I would find my shelter, my safety.  I want to go to the temple again.  I haven’t been in such a long time, and I lost my temple bag and so forth in one of my many moves.  But the desire is there, and I don’t want to forget it.  It’s time to prepare.  It’s time to go.

I am happy because:

• First and foremost, I got my results back from SimonMed today, and everything is normal.  The cancer is not back.  I’m safe.  The blessed relief I feel from hearing the results of that one test is indescribable.  Really.  Happy isn’t a strong enough word for how I feel.
• I got an excellent night of sleep last night.  I slept so solid for so long, it’s amazing!  I mean, I have felt so exhausted, and for such a long time now, that I forgot what it feels like to get a good night of sleep!  I hope this is something that continues, or at least becomes more regular.
• Today I saw the most amazing rainbow, it arched right across the sky, and I could almost see it “touch” the ground on both ends!  It was so awesome, I took a picture, but the picture doesn’t do it justice at all!  I love the rain, the smell of the rain, the feel of it, even when it comes down needle sharp, everything.  Desert rain is wonderful.  And to see the sky boiling with gray clouds, and a gorgeous rainbow stretched across the sky . . . it just fills you up, ya know?  My favorite part is when I pointed it out to Robbie, who claimed the other day to have never seen one in the sky after rain (he’d only seen the ones on the grass after the sprinklers go off).  He said “Holy Moly!  Is that real?  It totally looks 3-D!”  That gave me a chuckle, too.

I am happy because:

• The kids are at music lessons for the next three hours!  This gives me a little “alone” time at home.  It also means I won’t have to cook for them tonight, ‘cuz their dad is providing them dinner during the lessons.  Yay!
• I have a wonderfully comfortable bed that looks so incredibly inviting right now.  I can hardly wait to crawl into later tonight!  I think tonight I might be able to fall asleep straight away!
• I am about to go fix my gym shorts (which I’ve worn out due to my thunder thighs rubbin’ together so much at the gym) using my spiffy little sewing machine that I only recently purchased, and have been finding so many uses for already!  I’m so thankful that I was able to pick up a sewing machine!  What would I do without one?

I am happy because:

• Today marks the one year “anniversary” date of my divorce.  And while I am sad, not happy, about this  . . . significant date, I can find happiness in one thing.  I am sad.  But not suffering, like I was last year, with self-doubt and the gut-wrenching, teeth gnashing, despair.  Last year at this time, I could barely stop myself from crying.  Despite the fact that the divorce was “long overdue”, it was still extremely difficult.  I dont’ think anyone really ever understood that.  Well, except maybe my mom.  I think she understood that better than anyone.  I look back, and I remember being unable to eat for days.  Being unable to see through tear-swollen eyes.  Unable to sleep.  Desperate to find peace, to know that I made the right choice for myself, and for the children.  I have come so far in the past year.  Today, I feel a little quiet.  I feel a little sad.  Thoughtful.  But I can breathe.  And I can function.  And I can plan for my future, and know that there is hope.  And I can find happiness in the little things.  So, I guess I am happy because I can see where Christ has healed me, a portion of me, little by little, and I can see how far I have come from the mess that I used to be.  And when one finds, looking back, a stronger testimony, this is something to be happy about.

I am happy because:

• For starters, tonight we had a family temple night.  It’s going to be a new tradition for us.  I think it was an idea shared in church recently, but I’m not 100% sure really where I got the idea.  Anyways, I made the kids get dressed into their Sunday clothes and we went right as I got home from work (I changed, too).  Of course, there was a small “lesson” read by Amber on the way there, and we sang our favorite temple song.    Then when we got there I took many pictures, and we just strolled around the grounds, admiring the landscaping, the petroglyphs, petrified wood things, and carvings along the top of the temple, etc.  I took pictures of the kids here and there, and it was wonderful.  We went into the visitor’s center and walked around to the Christus and just sat and quietly thought.  I was amazed that I didn’t have to scold any of my children to be more quiet, more reverent, more anything.  They were so sweet.  What touched me most?  I glanced over at my little Becca’s face, as she was gazing up at the Christus, tears streaming down her freckled cheeks.  She noticed, and as our eyes met, she smiled her slow and thoughtful smile, and rubbed her eyes, and gave me a big hug.  What a tender moment, I think I will never forget the words she whispered into my ear.
• Tonight after dinner there was ice cream.  Now, that all by itself is enough to make anyone happy, right?  But then Denise, my darling little girl, says to me (with a serious look on her face) ”I think I shouldn’t eat so much of this ice cream.  It might make me fat if I eat it all gone, and then I can’t be in the “limp-icks” and I want to be in the “limp-icks” on t.v.”  That cracked me up.  Moments later she says, “Maybe I can eat it all right now, it’s ok, I can be in the “limp-icks” next year instead.”  Haha!  That’s how my little cookie crumbles!
• I have a wonderful mom that I can run to when I have questions I can’t find the answers to on Google. 

I’m happy because:

• I have decided on a way to try to reconnect with my oldest daughter, something that will help us both, I think.  I spoke with her this evening after the littles went to bed for the night, testing the waters to see what she thought of the idea, and she seemed very animated and excited about it.   So we’ll give it a shot.  I’m going to try to do the YW personal progress booklet, right along with Amber, so that we can work together on some of the value experiences and 10 hour projects.  It will help to keep her on track, but it will also help me to learn and grow as well.  Just what I needed, right?  One more project?  I think this one just might help us both.  (Plus, I really enjoyed reading scriptures with her, just the two of us, tonight!  What a sweet feeling!)
• Tonight Amber and I worked on her quilt project.  She made a resolution/goal at the beginning of the year to make a quilt, and then when she discovered that her Aunt Crystal was going to have a baby, she began.  I’ve been helping her with the trickier parts, and supervising the rest of the process to make sure fingers aren’t sliced off with rotary blades, but for the most part this is HER project.  Her gift to her new little niece, Paisley.  **Shhh, don’t tell, it’s a secret!**  It’s fun to watch Amber overcome her fear of steaming hot irons, and unpredictable foot pedal speeds on a sewing machine, and really work on something that she could very well become quite good at!  I can see how proud she is, and it makes me feel pretty darn proud as well!
• It’s been a long day, but a good one, full of both challenges and unexpected blessings.  I’m thankful for the time I had to rest from work, and I am ready to go back tomorrow and get into the swing of things.  I didn’t accomplish all that I had on my ever-expanding whiteboard list, but I did get ENOUGH done – and with that I am content.

I am happy because:

• One of my favorite words in the scriptures is courage.  Have you ever noticed that some of our favorite words are often both nouns and verbs, well, at least in their usage in the scriptures?  The YW theme is about courage this year, which is something I’ve always felt in short supply of.  But courage, the way most people think of it in the english language, doesn’t necessarily mean what we have come, as a culture, to think of it as.  There are many layers of meaning in that simple word.  And it’s amazing what studying one little word in the scriptures can do for your personal courage.
• I was reading in Psalms 22:4, “Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me“.  And was thinking about rods, and staffs, in the scriptures.  Reading about them, etc.  They are used by shepherds to protect the flock.  To guide them.  The lean on for rest.  To steady the step while walking.  Prophets carry them, and they indicate authority.  They are used to discipline, to meet justice.  And we are told to “hold to the rod, the iron rod”.  The Iron Rod is the Word of God.  I thought of how, when we are seeking wisdom, we are supposed to read in our scriptures, seek the words of our prophets, and pray.  And how, in all of these things, we gain knowledge.  And that knowledge, it gives us comfort.  Knowledge.  Faith.  Courage.  Comfort.  My mind is a whirlwind of thoughts right now.  I love to read the scriptures, even if I make a jumble of it.  It makes me happy.
• “We do not doubt our mothers knew it”, that makes me hopeful.  (Hope and happiness go hand-in-hand, I think.)  I hope that someday my own children will feel that way about their mother.  I hope that I can live in such a way that they can see that in me.  I have a long way to go.

I am happy because:

• Let’s see.  For starters, I had a really great day at work.  It went really quickly, and I didn’t feel frazzled at all during the whole day, even when I dealt with some not-so-fun cases.  I can tell that my little vacation made a huge difference!
• I love the internet, and the ability to contact you kids’ teachers via email in order to find out what assignments they have, and that you can see exactly what they’ve been up to at school via the “portal”.  It’s awesome, parent/teacher communication has been made so much simpler, and single mom’s like myself can stay “in the loop” because of these great tools!
• Tomorrow I don’t work (as it’s my usual day off from work every week).  I have visiting teachers coming in the morning, and outside of that I will be going to pick up some food for my extremely empty cupboards and fridge!  Yeah, that’s pretty much it.  So tomorrow I’m gonna be takin’ it easy as much as possible!  Which is what I should be doing on my days off!